Friday, March 4, 2016

Inspiration: How to Let Go.

 I’ve always been a go-getter, never afraid to break the rules or push any boundaries.  If someone told me I couldn’t, I did.  My poor parents, I was quite the rebellious teen growing up.  The daughter of two liberally conservative lovebirds, I’ve always been a dreamer, the doer and never afraid.  My younger brother thinks I’m crazy among other things and my sister… always sits at the edge of her seat, anticipating my next move or awaiting to hear what comes spilling out of my mouth next.  Inspiration wasn’t something I ever lacked.  Whether it came from the books I read, pop culture or the people I met or had encounters with; my inspiration fueled me.  It kept me feeling alive and encouraged my confidence, allowed me to be the better version of myself.  Waking up each morning wasn’t so bad, investing in relationships that meant a lot to me came naturally and believing the energy I put into the universe would come full circle...that I never doubted.

Months back I found myself feeling confused, stuck and anxious.  Bad things happen.  Bad things happened.  The days became long and I lost the ability to see the beauty that was around me.  I went through the motions, shut down and began isolating myself from everyone and everything.  It was the first time I had ever felt this way.  I didn’t know how to make it better but most importantly, didn’t know how to ask for support.  

I had many regrets and was angry with myself.  Angry that I gave people the power to break me down which in turn enabled me to feel this way.  Upset for trying to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be and forgot about my own happiness.  Who was I?  It dawned on me, I forgot about myself.  I wasn’t reading for pleasure, writing, traveling… I had stopped doing all the things that ignited my creativity.  Why? …because bad things happened.

Through the chaos, I was lost.  What helped me get over this hurdle was when I started asking myself questions.  Why did this happened?  How could I avoid this from happening in the future? Why was I obsessed with the bigger picture?  I reevaluated my life and focused on the things that were making me upset and unhappy.  I learned to set realistic goals and take things as they come, day by day.  Stressing or obsessing over something not going right wasn't going to solve the underlying issue.  I stopped sweating the small stuff and started spending a lot more time outdoors.  I did all the things that made me happy.  I reminded myself that it’s ok to not know.  It’s ok to not have it together all the time.  It’s ok to feel uninspired sometimes.

I'm a fan of TED Talks and recently ShondaRhimes.  Remarkable and inspiring in every way, Shonda spoke to an audience in Vancouver about what it takes to be a titan, how saying yes made her learn and grow in more ways than she ever imagined.  With so much success, it was humbling to hear her speak in a way which I was able to relate to.  I'm a newly converted "yes" person too.  I do things that make me uncomfortable or voluntarily wouldn’t do before.  The confidence I’ve gained in return, knowing I did something I normally would've passed up has been transformative.  Inspiring and professionally satisfying. 

Ultimately, bad things will happen and I hope to never get lost in the commotion going on in and around me.  Staying focused and surrounding yourself with positive people is good for the heart.  I’m now in a new city, working with the most loving and encouraging colleagues, living life happily and free.  I'm optimistic, less hesitant to change and accepting of everything that has or will come my way.

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